thoughts: april ’19

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While interviewing for analysts at a company that I’m trying to leave, I wonder what’s the bigger revenge to my manager who drove me out. Not hiring someone quickly enough so that my manager feels the pain of workload or hiring someone who’s so bad that they have to deal with poor performance?

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Time is subjective. 30 minutes of exercise feels like 3 hours where 30 minutes of watching TV feels like 5 minutes.

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I’m starting to see delusion and ignorance as a blessing. Really, it must be nice to view the world in such a narrow perspective as the sane, rational folks are forced to cope and deal with their irrational sense of reality and cope with it.

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While reading Ann Patchett’s This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage, I was reminded that I never wrote a letter to any type of official or an important person. Is it because I’m not passionate about anything? Or is it because I do not anticipate any type of action as a result of a letter?

Come to think of it, I haven’t participated in any type of civil acts, such as calling my representative, writing a letter, attending rallies, going to vote. What does it mean to fail my civil duties?

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The older I get, my preferences are no longer just strong preferences. They are unnegotiables. They have become so ingrained in my life that this is just how I expect my life to be.

List of unnegotiable in my life as of 2019

  • click ball point pen in 0.38mm – only in black or navy
  • hangbags must have zippers (for any new purchases)
  • coffee = americano or cappuccino. No other variations are acceptable
  • breakfast is a must
  • any sound systems (earphone, headphones, bluetooth speakers, etc) must be Bose
  • any electronics (phone, iPhone, laptop) must be Apple

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Collection of low moments of being fat

  • witnessing my stomach bigger than my boobs when I sit down
  • trying to fit into pants that’s obviously a little too tight for my fat rolls

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I’m a little late to this, but I’m experiencing the real benefit of preparing for the next morning at night. It’s a little like pre-walking on subways to be closer to the exit. Doing

My mornings have been a bit more relaxed and efficient, which is worth all the time I put into the tasks at night. Below are the list of tasks I try to do at night, depending on the day

  • run or load the dishwasher
  • wash coffee tumblers
  • fill the water filter, coffee machine and kettle
  • wash the rice-cooker, wash and soak rice & beans in water over night
  • wash fruits for my yogurt parfait
  • iron shirts or do laundry if I don’t have anything to wear
  • shower at night, instead of trying to get up early to sower

I feel more like an adult to complete these tasks at night. I’m not sure when I started expanding my nightly tasks list, but enjoying a more relaxed mornings as a result.

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Similarly, I’ve been gradually optimizing our rice in-take. Three years ago, we started eating white rice, then brown rice and recently, we’ve added beans to the mix. I didn’t sit down to think about an optimization plan for my rice. It just happened gradually and naturally, and I’m not sure what to make of this situation.

Should I be happy that life is somewhat on cruise control and I’m finding ways to make my life better? Or should I be worried that I’ve influenced by outside factors that I’m not even aware of? Or should I be concerned of a huge lapse in memory?

Either way, I’m happy that I’m eating better and that I’m paying more attention to how I feel and my body. But there is this worry / thought in the back of my mind.


Photo by Yngve Leyn on Unsplash

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